Questions that Enable

Questions that Enable

if you want to help your fellow crafter to think differently about a crafting project you can offer ‘questions’ that can help them.

IThere are a vast array of observations you can make, and questions you can ask, in order to enable him or her to think differently about whatever problem s/he has.   They are often quite subtle and inevitably we often use these without realising the effect that they might have.   How useful it is to be aware of how effective these can be?

The best way to exemplify this is by giving examples. 

For instance, a friend simply has a simple change she wants to make: she wants her craft table to be more organised.    A question you could ask is

“How would it feel if you had already made this change?”

When she responds to this she will have to imagine what you propose, which is the whole purpose for your having asked this question, for she will be well on her way to making the change having ‘seen the change ‘. 

Another example:   A colleague is wanting to paint images like those of her friend.   An observation could be: “Eventually, with practice, you will have those skills too.  Imagine that.”  Eventually tells her it will happen.  And she also can imagine herself having achieved it and thus has that goal in mind.

Here is another:   Someone says she is wanting to stop smoking but it isn’t happening.     A comment you make might be “Don’t  stop smoking too quickly”     This phrase has the implication that she will stop smoking anyway, but is likely to have the person unconsciously say to herself “I’ll show you – who says I can’t do it quickly?” and thus this may encourage the desired result!

On the same topic you might like to add or say instead “You probably already know many ways to feel good without smoking.”  This can cause the person to think of ways in which she has felt good when she hasn’t been smoking!

Another useful observation is that it is common for people to say “I will try to do that”.    Your response could be “Why don’t you do it rather than trying to?”  When you say you will try to do something you will never succeed, for the word ‘trying’ is a word that implies that it is on going and not succeeding.

This one is an ‘embedded command’.   A friend is feeling depressed.  It’s cold and things have gone wrong for her today.   As her friend you might say “Jane, you can choose to feel good whenever you choose to remember a good experience” You are reminding her that we can, at any time, choose what we think about. By adding her name you are making it more powerful. 

These are only a few of the many ways in which we can enable people to think differently and thus change their responses for the better.   We can do so much by conscious use of language that enables.