Body Language Matters

Body Language Matters

How often have you wanted to either help another crafter, or to sell your work to someone? How often have you realised you need to establish trust with that person? Then, you need to understand that body language matters when communicating.
  Nonverbal communication is as important as are the words we use.   The gestures we use, out posture and facial expressions give considerable insight into what is being communicated.   It is a big topic but this month I will about congruence.
 Not only does one endeavour to understand the other person’s point of view, but one can learn how to align one’s body language with that of the person one is communicating with. The effect of this is that you are more likely to be trusted. 
One of the basic concepts is mirroring and matching the other person actions.  It sounds so simple  but needs a lot of practice to learn the subtlety that is required to develop a sense of connection with the other person in order to develop a trusting relationship
Imagine you are sat with someone with whom you want to establish rapport.  She (I will use She as s/he) is sitting with legs crossed and with hands resting in her lap.   If you observe this, you, too, can adjust your position and you, too, can cross your legs and have your hands fall into your lap.   That is matching (and if you are sitting opposite then you can mirror this so using opposite legs or hands).   At an unconscious level, the other person will very quickly feel more comfortable.  .     Needless to say it has to be subtle and not like the comedy programmes where one person crosses legs and the next does the same immediately!
You are sat with someone in front of a table.   You are sat upright putting over a point of view with your hands on the table.   You are not getting very far.  The other person is sat leaning back, maybe even with arms at the back of her head.   If you slowly move into a position where you, too, are leaning back and your arms are certainly away from the table and possibly somewhere nearer your head, you will be making the other person more likely to feel that she trusts you.  Your leaning forward may have been  perceived as being threatening.
The same applies to voice. If you are in discussion, if you use a similar tone, then you are more likely to be listened to.  If the other person is talking gently, then if you talk gently your words will be more acceptable.
People are more like to listen if you are talking at the same level.  You can even calm a situation by matching a voice.   If one person is shouting it might help if you shout too!    Having got attention, you can then lower your voice slightly and lower it even more in every following communication until the other person, unconsciously, has done the same, and ultimately you get the communication to be at a more normal tonal level.
The other skill that you must learn, however, is calibration.   You can only use these skills if you are able to assess what is going on for that person physically.  If that person is shouting, you need to attempt to understand the purpose of the shout.  If a person is ‘laid back’ in her posture it could be defiance – or it could be that she is completely relaxed.   Thus the body language and the voice tone will need to be adjusted according to these perceptions. 
It is a fascinating topic that needs conscious practice.  Certainly, when I was training, I spent a lot of time in social situations watching couples and noticing the unconscious physical rapport that was happening. You would be amazed how often you will see similar posture in particular.  Observing this is a fun activity