Our lives are a Series of Activites

This is not necessarily directly written for crafters other than it is relevant for all of us and as a serial crafter I find the knowledge of value. I read a quote recently where it was pointed out that our lives are a series of activities:    disputes, negotiations, compromises, and settlements. For the foreseeable future (given that our world is in upheaval) we need to learn the skills.  They are not necessarily easy to learn!

If we are involved in disputes, we need to be active listeners, paying attention to everything that is communicated.  This because we need to be able to clarify any misunderstandings and show respect for all perspectives.  We need to acknowledge emotions and concerns and be sure we understand the issues.   In these circumstances it is not easy, but necessary, to be unbiased so that the situation can be evaluated fairly.  There is a tendency to assigning blame (in my view promoted by the press and social media!)

Negotiation required preparation and interpersonal skills.  It requires clearly defined goals – that is knowing what you want to achieve.  It entails gathering all the relevant information not just about the topic, but also the interests of the other parties and what their potential outcomes are.   This is where the valuable skills of understanding body language are vital as watching the body language of others will give vital information to enhance your strategic thinking.   Your body language can also help you to build trust and rapport (A topic for the next newsletter). The goal is to build relationships.

Compromise is not easy for some, but finding the middle ground that satisfies the parties involved is the goal.   As stated before here again it is important to express your needs and wants, but also to listen to the needs and wants of others.  There must be mutual respect and valuing of others’ opinions even when you disagree.  The flexibility to adjust your requirements is never easy but thinking creatively can sometimes be a solution. Collaboration can sometimes help solutions. 

Disputes are so often about neighbours.  I encountered one situation where a householder had outside lights that shined in the night causing distress to more than one of the neighbours.  There was a meeting to solve the problem.  The owner insisted that he needed the light for when he went outside, because he was disabled.  The neighbours insisted that it was not fair on everyone else.    The compromise solution was that one of the neighbours, being an electrician, offered to install a ‘movement only’ light thus enabling the owner to have light when he went out, but that others did not have to suffer it the rest of the time.

This settlement was part of a problem-solving approach that listened to both parties who then came up with a creative solution.  

It is worth writing down some of the more contentious solutions to avoid future misunderstanding – and be prepared to adjust if the settlement does not resolve the issue completely.

So being aware that our lives are a series of activities:    disputes, negotiations, compromises, and settlements, when we recognise this the result in at least some peace of mind!